Another Month goes By.

I have returned from visiting Kimmie and you would have thought that I left Michael at the side of the road to die. There was an incident while I was gone where one of his varicous veins broke open and he bled everywhere. I still think that he did it to himself. Both doctors that he has seen so far say that does not happen. So that thought about him trying to hurt himself just enough to get attention but not enough to cause any real damage. One day he is going to do the wrong thing and end up died. But I suppose that I always knew that I would bury my son long before I died. I think that is what he wants to die. I know this sounds mean but I just wish that it would get it over with. That way the rest of the family could move on and get over this part of our lives. It would make a big difference for me, then I wouldn't have a son determined to kill himself. It gets so tiring, trying to hold him up along with myself.

I just hope that I am doing the right thing. I leave next week to go back to work. Which I am really looking forward to. Just to get away from him and his son. But his son is not why I am here. But I feel like I need to be nice and take care of him too. He drives me crazy, he likes to hurt and disrespect me. I just want to slap the shit out of him....both of them!!

Azna, please give me strength because I am going to need it.